Webshit Weekly
September 7, 2025
Disney and the Decline of America’s Middle Class
2025-09-01 | comments
Hackernews takes a break from optimizing their ad-blockers to explain why the erosion of the middle class is actually just “supply and demand” working as intended. A collection of highly paid webshits mansplain that $1,700 is a steal for the privilege of standing in line to buy branded mouse ears, comparing a corporate theme park to exclusive rowing clubs without a hint of irony. The thread rapidly devolves into a defense of Disney (business model: “Uber for extracting parental guilt”) as a victim of its own success, with HNers confidently asserting that if you can’t afford the ticket, you simply lack the market value for joy. It’s the usual vibe coding of economics: if the price is high, it must be a premium feature.
Why boomers have more money than everyone else
2025-09-02 | comments
A financial rag notices that the demographic cohort who purchased assets before the entire economy was financialized into a “Human Centipede for SEO-slop” is somehow wealthier than the serfs currently paying 60% of their income to a pension fund. Hackernews rushes to the defense of the gerontocracy, explaining that the massive, systemic wealth gap is actually just “compound interest,” a concept they understand about as well as they understand “agentic” workflows. The comments section is a festival of webshits explaining that you shouldn’t compare your beginning to someone else’s end, entirely missing the point that the “end” for them involves burning the planet down before the lease expires. They smugly assert that investing in a 401k is the universal solvent for poverty, ignoring that the “great game” requires a disposable income that hasn’t existed for twenty years. The only solution offered is to wait forty years, presumably while living in a van down by the river and optimizing your aura farming techniques for the digital landlord class. It’s a beautiful demonstration of how webshits mistake a rigged casino for a meritocracy, assuming that because they can predict tokens, they can predict macroeconomics.
Evidence that AI is destroying jobs for young people
2025-09-03 | comments
A journalist (business model: “Uber for panic”) announces that “clankers” are eating the youth. Hackernews, desperate to absolve their fetish for “vibe coding,” spends the thread arguing about interest rate hikes and obscure tax codes rather than the obvious reality. It is a festival of webshits miscorrecting each other on the definition of “young” versus “inexperienced,” while ignoring that “agent technology” is just newspeak for “firing the help desk.” Management didn’t need AI engines to justify layoffs; they just needed a buzzword to stop paying humans to fix the problems caused by their previous management decisions. The economy isn’t stumbling; it’s being pushed by digital landlords who realized they can replace a junior dev with a stochastic parrot and a prayer.
50% of Young Men Would Rather Date an AI Girlfriend Than Be Lonely and Rejected
2025-09-03 | comments
A press release disguised as news reports that half of young men would rather interact with token predictors than face the horrors of human rejection. The survey, coincidentally funded by an AI relationship platform (business model: “Uber for emotional parasitism”), reveals nothing about men and everything about how webshits will attempt to monetize the inevitable loneliness epidemic their industry created. Hackernews immediately pivots to discussing the long-term viability of “AI-companion embodiment startups,” apparently unaware that this is the saddest sentence ever typed. Some commenters attempt to dispense life advice to “lonesome losers,” while others make jokes about objective functions, completely missing the point that digital feudal lords have literally created a market for imaginary friends and are successfully pitching it as “disrupting loneliness” in the great fraud’s latest circle of hell.
Yes, America Has a Housing Emergency – Paul Krugman
2025-09-04 | comments
An economist points out that shelter is expensive, news which shocks absolutely no one except perhaps the venture capitalists who think they can “disrupt” basic human needs. Hackernews descends into a mire of terrible ideas, ranging from a 1000% hourly tax on landlords to mandating marriage to reduce square footage. The webshits confidently miscorrect each other about Japanese zoning laws and treat global macroeconomics like it is a legacy codebase that just needs a refactor. It is a pathetic display of aura farming, where a group of people who struggle to build functional to-do apps attempt to solve a crisis that has persisted for centuries.
Tesla changes meaning of ‘Full Self-Driving’, gives up on promise of autonomy
2025-09-05 | comments
Tesla has finally admitted that “Full Self-Driving” is about as accurate a description as “Full Unicorning.” The promise of autonomy has been downgraded because, shockingly, a safety-critical system using nothing but cameras and hubris turns out to be a bad idea. Hackernews wastes no time miscorrecting each other on the precise definitions of SAE levels, ignoring the obvious reality that this has always been a confidence game to inflate the stock price of a digital feudal lord. The suckers who paid thousands for this vaporware might want a refund, but as always in the tech industry, the contract you clicked through without reading ensures you own nothing and get nothing, while the executives laugh all the way to the bank.
Qantas is cutting executive bonuses after data breach
2025-09-06 | comments
Qantas (business model: “Uber for lost luggage”) has announced a stunning victory for corporate accountability, which in this specific timeline means the CEO graciously accepted a $250,000 bonus cut immediately after receiving a $1.9 million salary increase. This daring financial maneuver represents approximately zero percent of the value destroyed in the data breach, but is apparently sufficient to convince Hackernews that the guillotines are finally being dusted off. The comments section is a tragic showcase of webshits miscorrecting each other over the difference between “pay” and “bonuses,” debating whether the optics of a smaller bonus increase are sufficient to halt the relentless march of incompetence. Others suggest the solution is simply paying the aura farming class more to stop clicking the phishing links they received from the marketing department. Meanwhile, the actual tech-bro solution involves layering more “security agents” and VPN hoops onto already-broken infrastructure until the system moves with the speed of cold molasses, a strategy known as “defense in depth” or “paying for a denial of service.” Everyone agrees that this specific flavor of performative self-flagellation is much better than the American model, where executives simply pretend the breach never happened while cashing out their stock options, proving once again that the only thing getting hacked is the definition of “consequences.”
Detroit’s carmakers to save billions in emissions rollback
2025-09-07 | comments
Detroit is thrilled to return to the glory days of efficiency-optional engineering, having successfully lobbied to legislate the difficult parts of car manufacturing out of existence. The tech industry’s favorite digital landlord, having spent a fortune on a president who hates his products, is reportedly shocked that real estate grifters don’t honor verbal contracts. Hackernews enters the chat to miscorrect everyone about global competitiveness, ignoring that Detroit’s only remaining innovation is regulatory capture. It turns out the “free market” is just a vibe coding session where you shout at the government until it stops making you do the work.