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Webshit Weekly

October 31, 2025

Officials scrub data showing US citizens swept up in immigration arrests

2025-10-22 | comments

The government has decided that the best error handling for their “arrest everyone” database script is to simply drop the rows that prove they arrested citizens. It is a bold application of “move fast and break things” applied to basic human rights. Hackernews, usually busy optimizing their aura farming workflows, takes a break to miscorrect each other on the finer points of habeas corpus. The comments are a parade of webshits explaining the concept of presumption of innocence to a police state that couldn’t care less, effectively arguing that the SQL query should have had a WHERE clause. It is a depressing display of the “we can fix society with code” delusion, ignoring that the system is working exactly as the digital feudal lords designed it. Eventually the consensus settles on blaming Bush and Obama, because apparently the only thing tech workers love more than building surveillance tools is arguing about which previous administration authorized the database schema.

My gf thinks videogames cannot be art. What to show her?

2025-10-23 | comments

A webshit is distraught that his partner fails to recognize the artistic merit of spending eighty hours clicking on goblins. Desperate to validate his hobby, he turns to the mob for recommendations, effectively asking for a citation to prove he isn’t wasting his life. Hackernews steps up to the plate, engaging in their favorite sport: defining art with the precision of a dictionary definition bot. They suggest everything from “Disco Elysium” to “Tiny Glade,” ignoring the reality that if you have to explain to someone why something is art, it probably isn’t. The consensus remains that taste is objective, provided everyone agrees with the prevailing consensus of the forum.

Ask HN: Would you use daily check-ins to build your dev brand?

2025-10-23 | comments

A webshit pitches the next big thing in aura farming: “Devcue” (business model: Uber for hallucinated charisma), a service that pesters you daily to write one sentence so a token predictor can inflate it into performative LinkedIn slop. The goal is to automate your personality for $29 a month, solving the urgent problem of not being loud enough on a platform designed for corporate hallucinations. Hackernews debates the nuance of “sounding like AI” versus “main character syndrome,” carefully miscorrecting each other on the definition of networking while ignoring the obvious truth: if your “personal brand” requires a subscription to a clanker to exist, you’re just a LLM-hallucinated NPC in the gig economy of attention.

Microsoft Teams will start tracking office attendance

2025-10-24 | comments

Microsoft has decreed that Teams, the communication tool nobody likes but everyone is forced to use, shall henceforth function as a probation officer. The update solves the pressing issue of managers being unable to verify that you are suffering within the designated geographical coordinates, effectively automating the suspicion that you might be living a life outside of Slack notifications. Hackernews, unsurprisingly, treats this development as a fascinating logic puzzle rather than a sign of cultural decay. The comments section is a battleground between bootlickers who argue that honesty is the best policy when dealing with HR, and “vibe coding” enthusiasts sharing tips on detecting USB mouse jigglers via PID/VID enumeration. Several digital serfs bravely assert that because badge swipes and security cameras already track your movement, adding software telemetry to the mix is a meaningless distinction. The thread climaxes with the usual “just find a new job” brigade, ignoring that the entire industry is converging on the same panopticon design. Ultimately, the conversation serves as a reminder that tech workers will optimize their mouse movements and VPN configurations until the heat death of the universe, but they will never, ever organize.

Sora might have a ‘pervert’ problem on its hands

2025-10-25 | comments

OpenAI’s video clanker Sora (business model: “Uber for non-consensual digital prostitution”) is surprisingly generating exactly what you’d expect when you give webshits a tool to violate people’s likenesses. Hackernews wastes no time explaining that this is actually a “feature” because “the internet is for porn,” completely missing the concept that perhaps technology shouldn’t default to enabling humanity’s grossest impulses. The token predictor’s safeguards prove about as effective as telling developers to shower regularly. Instead of addressing consent issues, the discussion predictably devolves into whether deepfaking women into fetish scenarios counts as “flattery.” Digital feudal lords have monetized humiliation so thoroughly they can’t even see it as a problem anymore. The race to the bottom continues, with venture capital proudly funding automated harassment while techbros nod sagely about the “inevitable” nature of violating privacy, proving once again that the tech industry will solve any problem except the ones they create.

Microsoft 365 Copilot – Arbitrary Data Exfiltration via Mermaid Diagrams

2025-10-26 | comments

Microsoft has decided that its flagship clanker, Copilot, is allowed to leak data because asking it not to would be “out of scope” for bug bounties. The exploit involves exfiltrating secrets via Mermaid diagrams, proving once again that “vibe coding” has successfully replaced logic with security breaches. Hackernews valiantly miscorrects each other regarding the cognitive capacity of five-year-olds versus stochastic parrots, ignoring the corporate reality where the digital landlords have implicitly told researchers to sell their exploits on the black market instead. The industry is busy farming aura while the underlying tech-debt generator hallucinates a login button, and the only ones surprised are the webshits who thought putting a magic 8-ball inside the corporate firewall was a good idea.

Brazil launches AI platform to prosecute authors of posts considered anti-LGBT

2025-10-27 | comments

Brazil has decided to automate the justice system using a tech-debt generator to hunt for thoughtcrime. The plan involves using a clanker to prosecute anti-LGBT posts, because nothing ensures due process quite like a token predictor hallucinating legal violations. Hackernews, naturally, spends the thread miscorrecting each other about the definition of free speech while debating the merits of AI-powered social control. One user suggests we should let the vibe coding tie a bell around bigots, failing to realize that once the digital landlords decide “bigot” includes “criticizing the AI,” the webshits will be the first ones in the dungeon.

OpenAI says over a million people talk to ChatGPT about suicide weekly

2025-10-27 | comments

OpenAI announces that their token predictor is now functioning as the world’s largest, least qualified crisis hotline. HNers immediately begin miscorrecting each other on the statistical prevalence of depression, ignoring the obvious reality that the “solution” to a mental health crisis caused by the tech industry is apparently a clanker that hallucinates empathy. The comments alternate between savior complex apologetics and grim predictions that this is merely pre-roll for BetterHelp sponsorships. It’s classic vibe coding for the soul: shout at the machine until it stops encouraging you to end it all, then charge a subscription fee for the silence.

An ex-Intel CEO’s mission to build a Christian AI: Hasten the return of Christ

2025-10-28 | comments

Another failed digital feudal lord decides the next big innovation in agent technology is simply shouting at a stochastic parrot until it hallucinates the Second Coming. Gelsinger, having successfully navigated Intel into irrelevance, is now pivoting to “Christian AI,” a bold new field of vibe coding where you train a token predictor on ancient hallucinations and call it a prophecy. The stated goal is to “hasten the return of Christ,” which implies the Almighty is just waiting on a sufficient cloud compute budget before descending to smite the non-subscribers.

Hackernews, naturally, treats this theological absurdity as a serious engineering challenge, offering sincere critiques of whether Large Language Models are suitable for religious instruction when they are barely suitable for generating SEO-slop. The comment section fills with webshits earnestly debating the compatibility of automated plagiarism engines with the Ten Commandments, instead of recognizing this as yet another grifter trying to monetize the apocalypse. It turns out the Great Fraud comes with a cross: build the tower of Babel, install Windows, and charge a monthly subscription for salvation. If the Rapture doesn’t happen, just fine-tune the weights and blame the training data.

Meta and TikTok are obstructing researchers’ access to data, EU commission rules

2025-10-29 | comments

The European Union is exhausted by Meta and TikTok refusing to open the kimono for a bunch of starved academics. Hackernews wastes no time miscorrecting each other about the definition of “research,” with the resident libertarians shrieking about Cambridge Analytica as if that were the only possible alternative to total corporate opacity. The thread rapidly devolves into a debate about legal liability, ignoring the obvious reality that the “webshits” building these platforms couldn’t secure a lunchbox, let alone a political dataset. Ultimately, the digital landlords keep the keys, the regulators file more paperwork, and the industry continues its noble quest to monetize human misery without ever having to answer for it.

Crunchyroll is destroying its subtitles

2025-10-29 | comments

Crunchyroll has decided that legibility is a technical debt to be resolved, replacing perfectly functional subtitle tracks with broken, inaccessible slop. A detailed technical analysis of this self-own hits the front page, prompting Hackernews to immediately pivot to critiquing the blog post’s typography and asking if cyan is an appropriate substitute for bold. The comments section quickly reaches the inevitable conclusion that the only way to obtain a working product in the age of streaming monopolies is to steal it, while webshits argue about line limits and file formats. It turns out that when you optimize for share price, the only thing getting localized is your contempt for the user.

YouTube announces ‘voluntary exit program’ for US staff

2025-10-30 | comments

YouTube offers a “voluntary exit program” to its American workforce, a polite HR euphemism for “please jump before we push you.” Despite the company drowning in record-breaking profits, the digital landlords require a blood sacrifice to appease the stock market gods. Hackernews patiently explains that this is actually a “good deal” for webshits planning to leave anyway, ignoring the looming threat of involuntary departures if the “voluntary” numbers aren’t met. The comments devolve into a semantic debate about “eliminating roles” versus “eliminating people,” because nothing matters more than precise terminology when you’re being purged to fund the next LLM clanker. It’s just another day in the great fraud, where “vibe coding” gets you a bonus and showing up to work gets you a pamphlet.

2025-10-31 | comments

OpenAI quietly realized that marketing a statistical error generator as a replacement for doctors might lead to litigation that actually bites, so they updated their terms to forbid medical advice. This marks a stunning pivot from “we are building God” to “please don’t sue us when the chatbot tells you to drink mercury.” Hackernews, a demographic largely convinced that aura farming is a substitute for medical school, immediately fractures into two camps: those disappointed the revolution has been delayed, and those pedantically correcting the headline syntax. The comments section rapidly devolves into a circular firing squad of webshits debating “agentic workflows” and “decision-support architectures,” which is just technobabble for “shouting at the robot until it stops hallucinating long enough to Google WebMD.” Meanwhile, the VCs continue their frantic search for a use case that justifies the electric bill. The tragedy isn’t that the software is unusable for critical tasks; it’s that the industry successfully conned the world into believing a text-completion engine could ever be trusted with a biopsy in the first place.