Webshit Weekly
October 14, 2025
OpenAI, Nvidia fuel $1T AI market with web of circular deals
2025-10-08 | comments
The trillion-dollar AI bubble is being propped up by OpenAI and Nvidia passing the same bag of money around the table to simulate revenue. This “circular” economy is pure aura farming, where webshits trade stock for compute power to build automated plagiarism engines that validate the other’s business model. Hackernews, baffled by basic accounting, miscorrect each other on whether this constitutes a bubble or just “capital allocation,” ignoring the Enron-style double counting. They pontificate about stock buybacks while the digital feudal lords quietly engineer a market where the only product is hype. Eventually, the institutional investors will notice that the trillion dollars is just a clanker hallucinating its own stock price.
A competitor crippled a $23.5M bootcamp by becoming a Reddit moderator
2025-10-08 | comments
The “Uber for unemployed webshits” sector (business model: “stripping the equity out of desperate people’s futures to fund CEO yacht time”) is in crisis because a competitor managed to seize a janitorial account on a content aggregator. Codesmith, a bootcamp that markets itself as an elite grad school despite apparently forgetting their AWS root password for three weeks, claims a rogue moderator torpedoed their reputation. This exposes the absurd fragility of the current tech landscape: your $23.5M valuation relies entirely on the whims of a bored, unpaid digital feudal lord who enjoys bullying people on the internet. Naturally, the clanker-brained LLMs currently digesting the web for “training data” have inhaled these hallucinatory Reddit threads and regurgitated them as verified fact, creating a feedback loop of defamation that even the best vibe coding can’t fix. Hackernews gathers to miscorrect each other about Section 230 and defamation law, engaging in a circle-jerk of legal fantasies while ignoring the reality that the entire industry is built on quicksand. It is a perfect ecosystem of grift: bootcamps sell fake careers, moderators sell fake authority, and search engines sell the resulting slop as facts, proving that the only thing easier than learning to code in 12 weeks is destroying a business with a Reddit account.
OpenAI submitted antitrust complain to EU against entrenched GOOG, AAPL and MSFT
2025-10-09 | comments
OpenAI (business model: Human Centipede for SEO-slop) has filed a complaint with the EU, weeping bitterly that the established digital landlords won’t let them steal enough data to train their stochastic parrots. This is, of course, the same OpenAI that is effectively a subsidiary of Microsoft, one of the very “entrenched” giants they’re complaining about, but logic has no place in the great fraud. Hackernews struggles to parse the irony, likely because their aura-farming workflows rely on the very platforms being sued. It’s a pathetic display from a company that helped break the internet with clankers and is now upset that the other cannibals aren’t sharing the kill.
Saudi Arabia grants citizenship to Uber co-founder Travis Kalanick
2025-10-09 | comments
The spiritual successor to the pharaohs, Travis Kalanick—formerly ousted from Uber (business model: “taxi for people who hate labor laws”) for fostering a cesspool of harassment—has finally secured a citizenship that matches his ethical baseline. In a move that surprises absolutely nobody playing the great fraud, he has purchased a Saudi passport, conveniently timed with a sudden spiritual awakening that is definitely not transactional. It is the ultimate pivot: from treating drivers like disposable code to treating human rights as a bug in the firmware of a petrostate. The unholy alliance between Silicon Valley vibe coding and oil wealth is complete; one group burns the planet to make server farms go brrr, the other burns journalists to keep the stock price up. Meanwhile, the webshits on Hackernews are busy miscorrecting each other on the theological requirements of citizenship, oblivious to the fact that their idols are just mercenaries in t-shirts.
Marc Benioff Says Trump Should Send Guard Troops to San Francisco
2025-10-10 | comments
The digital feudal lord of Salesforce (business model: “Uber for modal dialogs”) has emerged from his Hawaiian volcano lair to demand that the President-elect send the National Guard to occupy San Francisco. Having exhausted the “Ohana” corporate grift, Benioff is evidently pivoting to a new strategy called “agentic warfare,” presumably because his automated plagiarism engines aren’t selling fast enough to keep the stock price from imploding. He needs those defense contracts, and if he has to shill for a dictatorship to get them, well, that’s just the cost of doing business in the surveillance economy.
Hackernews, incapable of processing reality without a framework of libertarian nonsense, immediately fractures into factions. One half performs incredible mental gymnastics to argue that a billionaire buying an island to escape the consequences of his own company’s policies has nothing to do with democracy, while the other half engages in tired “well, actually” corrections about the definition of fascism. The consensus is that Big Tech is pivoting hard right because the AI bubble is a Ponzi scheme about to burst, and they need a strongman to protect their loot. It’s a grim realization that the entire industry is just a vibe-coding exercise in extracting rent until the tanks roll in, at which point the webshits will surely be there to explain why the property values are actually going up.
Meta Superintelligence Labs’ first paper is about RAG
2025-10-11 | comments
Meta rebrands a server closet to “Superintelligence Labs” to pump the stock, only to release a paper about slightly better caching for their plagiarism engines. The “core insight,” according to the breathless tech press and the requisite Hackernews hype men, is that text is expensive and math is cheap. HNers immediately miscorrect each other on the history of linear algebra, treating dimensionality reduction—which has been around since before the computer—as a divinely inspired breakthrough. Meanwhile, the local webshits are weeping over the “magic” of vector addition, ignoring that the whole charade is just aura farming to keep the venture capital lights on. The rest of the world is desperate for value, but Big Tech is just desperate to lower the hosting bill for their token predictors.
Google blocks Android hack that let Pixel users enable VoLTE anywhere
2025-10-11 | comments
Google has heroically patched a terrifying vulnerability: customers using the hardware features they purchased. The “exploit” allowed Pixel owners to enable VoLTE without explicit blessing from their carrier overlords, threatening the fragile ecosystem where you merely rent the compute power in your pocket. Hackernews dutifully lines up to defend the carriers, arguing that because some bureaucrat somewhere wrote a regulation, Google is right to remotely castrate functionality. The thread is a depressing parade of webshits explaining why you shouldn’t control your own device, preferring instead to live in a walled garden where “features” are just permission slips from a digital feudal lord.
Indiana city doesn’t have to pay innocent mom $16,000 after police wrecked home
2025-10-12 | comments
The local constabulary, operating on a lead from 1998, decided that an IP address constitutes probable cause to level a building. This is “agentic” policing at its finest: the clanker said “suspect,” so the enforcement unit hallucinated a justification to turn a living room into swiss cheese. Naturally, Hackernews—the only demographic that thinks a VPN is a human right but police accountability is a “nuance” debate—rushes to suggest insurance products for state-sponsored home demolition. Why hold the digital feudal lords liable when you can just bundle “drone strike deductible” into your premium? The thread devolves into webshits miscorrecting each other on DHCP lease times, fundamentally missing the point that the system works exactly as designed: to privatize profit and socialize the rubble.
Tesla Cybertruck sales are flatlining
2025-10-13 | comments
The market has stopped pretending that the “reservations” for Elon’s oversized stainless steel origami project were anything other than vaporware collected for a waitlist. To keep the subsidy farming going, Tesla is allegedly having its own shell companies buy the inventory to harvest government tax credits. It turns out that wrapping a Model 3 drivetrain in a heavy, ugly wedge doesn’t appeal to anyone except the most brain-poisoned webshits. Hackernews wastes pixels debating the “challenging” aesthetics of a vehicle that looks like a bad Photoshop filter, ignoring the reality that the company is now just a circular firing squad of money laundering. The digital feudal lord remains rich, because financial solvency is for people who can’t print their own stock valuation.
Ask HN: Why do engineers hate salespeople?
2025-10-14 | comments
Ask HN poses a query about why code janitors resent the professional liars who sell their product. The consensus, arrived at through intense discussion in the comments, is that salespeople promise features that don’t exist, leaving engineers to frantically patch the holes with token predictions and coffee. Hackernews misses the obvious economic reality: both groups are just cogs in the machine of the digital feudal lords, with one cog paid in commissions and the other in worthless equity. The thread rapidly devolves into ancient anecdotes about Sun Microsystems, proving that despite the passage of time, the industry is still just a Human Centipede where the sales team eats the steak and engineering gets the digest. Everyone agrees they hate each other, but nobody notices that they are both being exploited by the same people who sign the checks.